I don't regret leaving home entirely, I don't even know if I still want to live there in Iligan as much as I want to live here in Dubai. Before, I've always dreamed of going abroad, starting my own life there while helping my relatives back home. That dream is now a reality, well, except for the helping part, not yet but soon.
Right now, I'm hearing news of people I know that they, too, have left or are leaving the country for a better future elsewhere. I check my Facebook and see pictures of their despedida parties, read their posts about how they're going to miss home, and hear some well wishes from their friends. I never had that. No despedida party, no posts on leaving home, and just a few well wishes from friends. I'm not saying that I wanted to have those because it was I who insisted in the first place that no despedida party should be thrown for my sake. I intentionally refrained from posting about what I'm going to miss when I finally leave home, my thoughts about leaving, anything that relates to my leaving. I didn't think I could stand the melodrama if it happened. Huge mistake. I am being melodramatic now, almost near to tears.
I say to people that I don't really miss a person, that I don't get bored easily, that I really don't mind being away from my family and friends, that I can do this leaving abroad thing without any drama or melancholy but honestly, I miss home. I feel like going home right now to eat dinner with my family for the last time, take pictures of important places or events that I don't want to forget, pack those little things that comforted me for the past 21 years, make a mixtape of all the songs that have accompanied me during happiness and loneliness, visit my lolo's grave, have lunch with friends, and so many things that I should have done but I did not. I want to go home right now just to see all that I left in Iligan for one last time. But oh well, that's just not possible.
Moving on, I look forward to 2011.